Mixed Feelings About Going Back to School

Mixed feelings enter my gut as the summer slowly but surely moves along. A part of me is ready to be done with work and move on from this town…to leave and go back to school because that’s where I feel like I belong. Plus the work days just seem to be getting longer and longer. I’m physically uncomfortable while at work a majority of the time because part our building doesn’t have air conditioning and I feel like my attitude about working is getting me down. On the other hand it’s kind of nice to have something to do, it’s good to get the experience, and of course making money isn’t all that bad either.

I can’t wait however, to be in a town full of turning trees, squirrels, young people, musicians and artists, people eager to learn, students, and teachers. My college town has become my second home. And although my hometown will never lose that “hominess” you feel every time you enter it, it gets boring and dull quickly and isn’t all that attractive to be quite honest. I want to be able to sleep in an hour or two, see friends whenever I like, and be able to learn something new and interesting every day. I can’t wait to have a camera in my hands and be able to develop the film later, and have books assigned to read, and papers to write!
There’s one big problem though, you see, besides that fact that my family and grade school friends are here in my home town, my boyfriend (of about a year and month) is going to be going to school here while I am going away. The weeks are long when I can’t see him whenever I like. Here, during the summer, on the week days he’ll often times come over for dinner after work and we’ll get a few hours together; then he makes his way back home (which is a 45 minute drive.) This next school year the plan we planned to live together where I go to school, but he suddenly decided he wanted to go to school too. Which don’t get me wrong, is great! I’m just not looking forward to continuing the long distance…

Occasionally, maybe even more than occasionally I’ll have anxiety in the evening. Sometimes I’ll let unwanted pesky little thoughts crawl into my mind at night. They usually leave me scared or crying. It’s nice when he’s here with me when that happens. Sometimes his presents will either prevent it from happening or once it has happened he will comfort me and it will go away. There’s just something about a man you love holding you! There is nothing like it anywhere else in the world.

As summer gradually comes to an end I think of this next school year and what it entails. Worry tries to creep up into my mind. Worry that says, “you and your boyfriend are not going to work,” or “you’re going to get depressed this winter from the winter season and lack of sunshine,” or “you’re going to be afraid at times this school year and not to who to go to because you will be without your family and your boyfriend.” My friends at school are great, but they don’t know me quite like my family or boyfriend. I’m not lying when I say a mom sure knows how to wipe away tears and my boyfriend is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me and works wonders on me! But even though I won’t have them 24-7 I just have to know that I will be fine. This gives me a chance to grow strong and be able to be comfortable around other people.

Come on college school year, bring it on!

Written by Me! (Mikayla Lewis)